at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
