those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
