So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So apparently I’m into choking now
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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