somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
