Got a toothbrush?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
