i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
