I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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