so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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