I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.