I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.