I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
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Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
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So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch