Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.