he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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