paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize