My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
