I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
