After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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