just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
