dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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