Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
