and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think I sprained my soul last night
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
