Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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