i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
