he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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