I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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