I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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