After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
