Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
