the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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