I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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