I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
