I feel like I'm in dance class right now
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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