Tell her she can't have a vagina
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
