He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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