Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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