We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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