Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
