Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
im holly from the hills drunk
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I wish there were birth control emojis
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
