she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We had to coat check the pizza.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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