Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
