she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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