i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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