i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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