my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
