so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
