So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize