he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
