my phone needs a breathalizer
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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