So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
