I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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