His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
