If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
