Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
