Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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