Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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