we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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