I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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