wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
