her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
