new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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