Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Is it because I queefed?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
be right there i have to get my cape
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
