i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
