White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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