Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
