She went from zero to smokin in five shots
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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