God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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