i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
